Turning Stress in Children Into Resilience

Stress has become a dirty word in our fast-paced culture. It has been blamed for almost everything - from heart attacks to violence in society.

We hear often enough about those who have succumbed to stress like the father who kills his family and himself in a fit of despair over financial problems, like the children who gunned down teachers and schoolmates in a fit of hatred and despair.

We do not hear often enough about those who have blossomed from stress like the world class athlete or entrepreneur who turned their violent childhood into resolutions for change.

The truth is that our emotional infrastructure works like a muscle. The more we stress our muscles during a workout, the stronger we get. With this in mind, we should think of problems as opportunities for growth. We should dwell not on how problems can hurt us, but how they can make us stronger, more resilient.

If we can imbue our children with this kind of attitude, we will be building kids who can make a difference in this world. We will be building kids who can turn adversity inside out and reveal the blessing it hides. There is much that we as parents can do to help our children develop a repertoire of responses that can take them to "the next level" of resilience.

1. Cultivate a safe and honest relationship with your children. Allow them to know that they are loved totally and openly for who and what they are.

2. Make sure you are a positive role model. How do you respond to problems? Can you bring stress to the next level? Do you take positive action when a problem confronts you? Do you choose optimism in the face of distress? Do you work courageously towards a solution? Do you create unnecessary anxiety in your children? Children learn by what they live and what they see. Be totally mindful of this fact.

3. Praise your children and encourage them to do their best. Be there when they fall, not to berate them, but to offer them support. Children will not fear falling if they know deep down that they will not be erased by failure.

4. Cultivate laughter as a strategy for dealing with the ups and downs of life. Show your children that there is a positive and often funny side to all things serious.

5. Help your children relax. Encourage them to run and play. Exercise is a great way for relaxation; so is playing in nature.

6. Help make stress a positive aspect in your children's lives. Tell them that problems are there to make them stronger. If workouts build muscles, stress builds character.

7. Take the bogeyman out of stress. Celebrate life for all its diversity and love your children for who they are and what they do.

When life is not a bowl of cherries, we take out our shovels and plant cherry trees.